About Me

My photo
I am so glad you have stumbled upon my little blog :) My name is Sister Jessica Mae Turley, and I am a Missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, serving in Washington D.C., Preaching in American Sign Language! I Love the gospel of Jesus Christ and how it applies to my life every single day in many different ways. Hopefully you gain something from my adventures :) Please feel free to share this blog anywhere you'd like :)

Friday, October 4, 2013

When you ask for a Mountain....

When you ask for a mountain to climb, be prepared.

I have been so bitter and unmotivated the past few days. One of those moods where you just want to lay in bed and watch season after season of your favorite T.V. show. 

I submitted my papers to the Stake President on Tuesday night. The interview went very well (I thought) and I was so excited and over the moon about it all. 

I got a call, Wednesday after, saying that my papers are being held because... *sigh* I am over the weight limit. Now don't get me wrong. I am not delusional, I am fully aware of my body. And I am very confident and comfortable in it. Of course I wish I was skinnier, of course I wish I could run a mile without feeling like my lungs are going to explode, of course I wish I didn't have thunder thighs. But that's just how I am and I haven't been dedicated enough or focused enough to really fix it. I have gone on this diet and that workout plan and I know they work. they really do. Every time I try one, my body responds. I lose weight. I feel amazing. And then I get hungry :) And therein lies the problem. Anywho, this isn't a diet and exercise blog, lets move on to the real point. 

So after I got the call I actually wasn't very upset. I am only over the limit by 12 lbs. If I pull a biggest loser I can lose that in like a week. That's water weight!! I knew that I could totally do it. I was actually really motivated and really excited because if anything was going to get me to finally do this, it would be the mission. I wrote out a plan, got all motivated. I went on a run that night, and it hit me how long it had been since I had really done this. I was pretty good about it while I was in Washington but that slowly faded. I was still motivated though.... 

And then Thursday morning I woke up and I was just bitter. I was annoyed that it was only 12 lbs. I was so mad that I was being delayed AGAIN, and for something so small. (technically it was about being BIG so i guess it's not really a small thing... but you get what I mean.. right?)

Anyway, I went throughout the day second guessing everything, feeling unmotivated to go on my mission, being so angry and so annoyed with myself that 1) I had asked for this and 2)that I let myself get this way. 

I am not going to lie and pretend like I have seen the error of my ways and that I am so happy to be going through this. I'm not. I am still bitter. I got up this morning and didn't want anything to do with the world. I just needed to scream at the top of my lungs and throw a tantrum. Which is why I started writing this post. But as I have been writing I have realized a few things.

1.) I asked for this. I knew that I needed to be challenged and I didn't want to just wait for the blow. I needed to be pushed, especially now. 
2.) More important, Heavenly Father knew I needed otherwise He wouldn't have answered my prayer. 
3.) I talked to a friend last night about this and he reminded me that I need to have faith in the Lord's timing and his trials. And it's true. There is a reason why I am being delayed. I don't know why yet, and I may never know. But I need to have faith. 
4.) I cannot allow the adversary to use this trial against me. I cannot allow myself to become bitter and angry and useless. I cannot get distracted from the game and let the other team score a point. It's not worth it. 
5.) This isn't going to be easy. If it was than it wouldn't be a challenge and I wouldn't grow from it. I have had so many trials that now that I look back on seem like they were so easy to overcome and to get through. Maybe it's just my perspective now that I am not in the thick of it all, which gives me hope that in a few weeks this won't seem so horrible. But really now, why on earth would I have expected anything less than overwhelming? 

That's enough bullet points, I think :) 

I am trying desperately to "face the future with faith" and "find joy in the journey" and happily climb this mountain. Any words of advice are appreciated :) 

I thought I had a ton more to say but I completely lost my "train". Just went straight of the track. 

Going up to Provo today. Excited but a little stressed. I don't do well when things aren't planned out and I am completely unprepared for a trip. But I am excited and it's going to be great :) 

hopefully we can score some tickets to conference. If anyone has some, I would gladly accept them!!! 
(pitiful shout out)

Well, Until next time - Jessie Mae

P.S. I need to think of a catchy closing/signature.... send me some ideas!!

No comments:

Post a Comment